Honest Accounts

Word of Mouth

What is one thing you learned at the Race and Kink discussion you attended?

  • i've never really thought about fetishization, & being able to define it as, when i'm seen as the object of someone else's desire vs the subject of my own, helped me connect it to other experiences when i've lacked agency over my own desire

  • The approach of removing race from a taboo kink where possible. Also the idea of removing the shame vs. removing the kink.

  • Hearing from BIPOC people who are new to the kink community, and all the extra concerns and hurdles they are experiencing going into kink spaces due to the overwhelming whiteness of these spaces.

  • I hadn't thought about the larger conversation around M/s language. I can see how even that alone could keep BIPOC folks far, far away from kink spaces or just feel oppressed/excluded in general.

  • Deepened my understanding of wanting a partnership with someone who has experienced similar life circumstances as you.

  • As a white person, I appreciated having a place to hear concerns of BIPOC coming into a playspace and hopefully ways to address them in my own spaces.

  • I want to be an advocate in my community for p.o.c to feel safe in our kink spaces.

  • Nothing factually new except that there are words to describe colorism and my blackness being invalidated.

  • The difference between an ally and an acccomplice

  • I learned more about Japanese kink culture and pleasure quarters, and I deepened my awareness around how there is so many different ways of thinking about cultural appropriation.

  • perspectives Ignacio learned in their sex work. Loved hearing it

  • That for some race play can be healing and that if a edge is not maintained it can cross into trigger land

  • I learned about web sites for kinky POC, such as pockle, cultured kink.

  • That it is possible to live an expansive and fulfilling existence as a trans/non-binary poc embodying my sensuality, sexuality and kinkiness. And that I can consider race play/power play as an option for healing from yt supremacy and colonization.

  • The variety of ways organizations can be more inclusive and accessible to the diversity of people the are in the kink community.

  • Listening to a person experiencing white guilt

  • how Angel makes change happen within orgs

  • Consent is way more complex and ephemeral than I thought

  • I got to ask legit questions about how to support and structure kink orgs.

  • I dont feel like there was anything factual except for maybe rope details. It mostly felt like Mr. Black's stories which were highly valuable. The extent of racism in the kink world is something which I'm quite familiar with.

  • How a big black black man navigated kink spaces where there are not people who look like him

  • when we teach about sex/kink it starts w/negotiation not necessarily what kind of kink we are interested in. Also loved a quote by MrBLK "you can't buy your way into kink skill"

  • I learned how incredibly important it is to be educated on your own needs and how important it is that that education is intersectional, especially as a person of color in the kink community. This was extremely eye opening and affirming and i am so happy to have been able to be a part of it.

  • the ways microaggressions show up in the kink "community".

  • How to have conversations around d/s dynamics and race

  • The history of the Men of Onyx organization.

  • Don't project my stuff onto someone else, because then I'm decreasing someone else's pleasure and choice.

  • "That doesn't align with me" whewww!

  • Some solid red flags and green flags, lots honestly; sadly, the fact that local white kinksters didn't respond to the tragedy in Atlanta in any meaningful way sticks out

  • kink is customizable!

  • I learned more about the nuances around race play that I had never heard before.

  • An appropriate way to bring cultural/racial play into kink. Thanks!

Other feedback and feels...

  • loved this!! and just bought a peg the patriarchy shift, divine timing <3

  • Thank you so much for putting these discussions together. You are both so very appreciated!

  • I really appreciate the nonjudgemental space you provided and hearing many different comments and perspectives from people. 

  • Thank you sooo much for creating this learning/sharing space! This session was super helpful and has given me much to think about. I am excited for future sessions!

  • This was really meaningful and helpful for me. Thank you both. 

  • All the feels. 

  • It irks me when it is assumed that black males " cannot" be submissive or bottom for kink play purposes.

  • Thanks for this. 

  • This was my first one and I loved it!  I didn't realize it would be so interactive so I had planned on doing chores during it (which is why my camera was off), but now I know for next time! 

  • Really grateful you are holding this kind of space and I'm so glad I found it!!

  • I'm so glad I drove out of campground to attend. Attending live was important for me

  • i enjoyed this greatly

  • Thank you! this was great!

  • Incredibly grateful for the experience to listen and learn. 

  • Thank you!

  • thank you for having this

  • so so so grateful

  • Thank you, this is awesome!

  • I want to have a lot more of these discussions. I am starting to think there needs to be a kinky space for white people to hold each other accountable and process their shit but I'm not sure how to make that happen. 

  • Good discussion especially since it's black folks behind it 

  • This series helps me unpack SO much of my internal stuff

  • This was incredible. Thank you so much for making it accessible and affordable for folx because it was so healing and encouraging. Will definitely be coming back.

  • This was wonderful thank you so much

  • It was a very lovely conversation. I enjoyed it. 

  • Thank you for all your work organizing this important events!

  • This was too fucking cool y'all. Thank you so much for opening up this space

  • As important as it is to discuss racism, I would have also liked to have heard more about joy in community, or about Kocomeow/Goddexmeow(?)'s plans for a new space, including fundraising plans

  • Miss Lee was amazing I would love to learn/hear more from her.